Why Bilbo never wanted to leave Rivendell
by Tacosaurus
Summary: Flowers can say so much. Flowers can represent what we have gained and what we have left behind. Bilbo Baggins knows this and intends to say to the woman he loves the most what he has been hiding for years. All his heartache and pain can end at last.


Bilbo Baggins walked around the empty corridor leading to Rivendell' s archive about hobbits, head throbbing from the noise the dwarves had created. He needed somewhere quiet to clear his head and so had followed the direction Gandalf had advised. A small smile tugged upon his face when he stumbled upon the door to the most unvisted but pleasant room. Bilbo entered the room and felt all air escape from his lungs as he gawked at the stacks and stacks of books he was met with. Taking a few steps futher, he was immensely surprised to discover that there was even more things such as memorials and tapestries along with murals, all detailed and crafted beautifully. Bilbo took the first book he saw and flipped it open hastily, unable to withhold temptation. He ran his fingers down the spine,fingering the gold encrusted over the blue in lines, as he read the title printed inside upon the first page : Admirable Hobbits. Bilbo' s heart leaped with a joy that had remained hidden for years. Hope swelled through him as he flicked over the pages. His eyes scanned through the pages quickly, disappointed when he couldn't see a certain name that held a strong grip on his heart, forever implanted within his love. There was a flash of a name and Bilbo hurriedly turned back to read it. Took. If one could have seen the sheer joy dancing in his eyes and the smile that dominated his face, then one could say that this was the happiest Bilbo had been in a long time. Avidly, Bilbo engorged himself with digesting the information upon his kin, a yearning he never knew he had feeling at ease.

When it was time to eat, Bilbo felt disappointed but oblidged anyway as not to disappoint the creators of such a wonderful enclosure. Bilbo still explored it, when he was free, and had gotten halfway through the last pile of books when he saw her. She stood alone in between her tapestry and mural, beckoning him over. Bilbo immediately slammed his book closed and got up to look at her, eyes drawn to her face. The female was exactly as he remembered only the twinkle in her eyes was more captivating than ever and the way she stood with confidence made him tremble with emotions. Her sword was encrusted with small, sharply cut rubies and was held up ready to defend. Bilbo turned away sharply as his bottled emotions started to show. Bilbo felt foolish, getting worked up over a statue of a heroine. His heroine. He cast a glance back at her as if fretting he had upset her. Her smile was still preserved and engraved within stone and put him slightly at ease. He left the archive, leaving his heavy heart behind.

Bilbo merely picked at his food and took small bites, unable to rid of the bile in his mouth and the sadness that had enclosed any other emotions. "Master Baggins, are you alright?" Ori asked, concerned. The hobbit looked up and nodded absent-mindly.

"He's fine, Ori! The lad is probably just homesick..." Nori said, passing off Bilbo' s unresponsive behaviour. The hobbit gave a weak, forced smile ; deciding to go with the excuse that he was homesick being too deep in his thoughts to talk. "Yeah, just ... just homesick..." Ori didn't question any further and instead turned back to his following day, Bilbo returned to the archive but neglected the books to stand in front of the statue. "Hello. It's been a while, hasn't it?" He asked, not expecting a response. "Dad went peacefully, as you probably know. Lobelia was furious when he left almost everything to me." He gave a light laugh before he allowed it to die in the silence. The female stood as proudly as she had when he discovered her and remained there. Bilbo was thankful for this, having found her again and was unable to loose her.

The archive remained Bilbo Baggins' little secret up until Day 6 of their stay in Rivendell. He was just gazing at her, with a small shy grin and a lily ready to be given to her to express his love for her, when he heard the door burst open and a voice fade away from questioning eventhough there was plentyof things to ask. Bilbo swallowed nervously as Ori surveyed him. "Dinner time? Great! I'm just coming!" He hastily spluttered as he chucked the lily behind him, silently apologizing to the intended recipient who still had a powerful hold over him. He walked away and felt an increasing amount of sorrow but did not voice it.

As time shortened, Bilbo tried to think of a way to explain that he wanted to stay. Every time he tried though, the words would die and falter like that of the hope that came with them. Thorin detested staying in Rivendell and that made Bilbo feel selfish. He had, afterall , signed a contract to stick by them and he couldn't back out now this far on. Besides, Or i had already told Fili and Kili about the archive, embarrassing Bilbo by saying things like "How's your elvish lass?" They had the company roaring with laughter, even Gandalf. To be fair to Ori, he didn't get to finish the retelling of what he had seen but did not speak up, most likely due to the fact he did not enjoy speaking with a large crowd unless he had had far too much ale for Dori' s liking. Nevertheless, Bilbo was still annoyed at the fact that he was being picked on for having a interest in his culture and history.

The day before they left Bilbo was hurrying along with a bouquet of many flowers, each with its own meaning. Kili smirked as he watched him walk by. "Ooh, you spoil her rotten don't you? Shame you wasted time with a pretty lass without sharing. What does a boring library have beside books about anything worth reading?" He remarked snidely. Bilbo just ignored him. He had to give these flowers to her. Brushing past, Kili' s smirk faded when he saw the orange petals of the Candela flower. Why, when giving a bouquet to a lovely lady, would Bilbo put the symbol if despair and grief in when his intentions were of love? The dwarven prince just shrugged it off as Bilbo's display of sorrow for leaving the maiden.

Meanwhile, Bilbo had long since arrived in the room and was struggling with how to tell the beauty before him that he was leaving when the next day came by. He avoided her eyes before struggling out with "I'm glad found each other again. It's been so long since we last saw each other and even though you're somewhere else, it feels like you're really here. I brought you these to tell you what I have been for a long time... As you know, this flower, the Delphinium, represents ardent attachment. I know you felt this for me as I did for you." He paused as he paused as he picked another flower, his emotions starting to pour out. Finally, with tears in his eyes threatening to burst out, Bilbo was on his last four.

"The Crotus flower symbolizes how cheerful you were and how glad I am to have had you in my life. The Candel represents all the grief and sorrow and despair I felt when you left. There has been a hole in me that never repaired..." His voice broke off in to a whisper that shook with the meaning the latter flower. He held up the last two. One had large white petals and clear pollen stalks where as the other was smaller with a pink colouring. He put the white one in her cold hands first. "This is the Edelwiss. You know it means courage as that is what you were full of. This is why its your favourite." With a sharp intake of breath, Bilbo allowed his emotions to burst from inside him as sobs escaped him, his knees buckled with the weight of all the sorrow he had held in. The anguish in his voice echoed loudly as was deafening;suffocating him and stealing words from his mouth. Bilbo tried to get back up but he could not. The pain rocketed through him like a flame from a fire. "This final flower... says more than any words can say... More than I can." He let a pink blossom fall before letting the flower fall from his frail grasp and at her feet. Years of heartache flooded thorough him and he could not stop crying, tears dripping until his eyes ached for more to let out. Bilbo knew he could never leave her now after she was preserved so perfectly for him here, not lying in an unmarked grave of some sort.

The fateful day came too quickly for Bilbo. Standing on the road away from her, Bilbo wished she could be here to joke at something or perhaps sing to him like she had done in the past. His memories were clearer, not buried deep within his memory, yet still hurt a little. Bilbo let out a sigh as he remembered the flowers left in her respect. The dwarves looked over at Rivendell in disdain, ignorantly unaware of what lay past their hatred. Gandalf had figured out what Bilbo had found but found it best not to press Bilbo upon the matter for he knew that it was a sore subject for him. The company walked away with Bilbo trailing behind slightly as he left his broken heart behind in the hands of his mother.

His mother. How brave she had been. How fearless and victorious she had been. How could Bilbo picture her cruel departure from the world without stopping when gruesome images haunted him every time he tried to picture what it could have been like? He remembered they would watch the fireworks altogether, the Baggins and the Tooks, and his mother would be just as excited as he was. His beautiful, caring, feisty, protective mother.

He hummed her lullaby softly and quietly to himself, trying to remember the words, as he caught up with the company.

Back under Belladonna Baggins' statue, the last flower, the Cyclamen, said more than what he could.

For goodbye is the hardest word to say to someone you have lost.


End file.
